Break Downs

These days, my life seems to be about breaking down and repairing. And building, improving, creating, growing, and paying attention.

And with very little emotional drama.

My days usually start in grateful acknowledgement. This isn’t something I consciously do; it just happens. I sit a few minutes on my deck (either after or with my coffee, of course) being fully present: I feel the breeze on my face and body while listening to the symphony of birds. I had birds outside my window in NYC, but compared to these, they were more like solos and duets. This is the entire orchestra. I notice that I have a smile on my face. I feel grateful to be where I am and doing what I’m doing.

But back to breaking down and repairing. A few days ago, I returned to the surgeon who is doing a dental implant for me. Since I’m forced to do this from a fractured root that happened back last fall, I am doing some elective dental work that will enable me to have a brighter smile (more than just whitening – replacing crowns, etc.) This morning I was at the eye doctor picking out new glasses to replace the once I broke a few weeks ago. I asked him whether lifting my rather heavy lidded eyes might improve my area of vision. I have an appointment with another surgeon to pursue that (I have vision insurance for the first time in my life – it might pay). A few days earlier my car broke down – right in front of my house. Even though I had to have it towed to the garage the following day, at least I wasn’t stranded in parts unknown. Since I don’t have family here, and am just in the process of building friendships, I wouldn’t have anyone that I would be totally comfortable in calling just yet. I have a USB port on my computer that is broken. This requires I be without my computer a minimum of 5 days – possibly much longer. It is however, under warranty. I broke a gold chain and took that in for repair today.

These are some examples of the little things that keep going awry in my life. Little things that break down and require my attention. This happens in life all the time but right now there seems to be an abundance of little challenges. And some big challenges. As most of you know, I should be closing on my apartment by the end of the month. I’ve been organizing my trip back to NYC and the actual move. Initially I was concerned about how I could organize this from a distance – first even getting the names of reputable movers, getting someone to meet them a the apartment to get estimates, and then actually trusting that they would show up on the date they are suppose to. I have heard some real horror stories from others lately about their experiences in moving. I wasn’t looking forward to that.

What actually has happened is that my son has come through for me. I had offered to bring him up, knowing how much he enjoys NYC too, for moral support. And, as much as I hate to have to say this, it doesn’t hurt to have a man around. As it turns out, he is bringing his girlfriend and has a friend who will be in NYC at the same time who is willing to help. So now, I have my crew. We will do it ourselves and I am relieved of the worries of dealing with a long distance moving company. And, the best part is, that we all get time together in The Big Apple.

I admit that I am experiencing some emotional attachment to leaving New York City. I was there for 11 years, but right now it seems only like a blink of the eye. Although I am a journal writer and have been for 20+ years, I’m not sure about organized my record keeping has been of my experiences there. I am very glad that I have started documenting this phase of my life, considering that my memory is only going to get worse, not better.

The morning is getting late and I must get busy. I hope all is well with you and look forward to hearing from you. I have more news to share, but it will have to wait until the next time I am inspired to write.

Small World

It’s such a small world isn’t it? I had a few women over last Saturday night for potluck and card games. Karen, the artist and gallery owner I met back in January said she had a friend who lived in the neighborhood and if I didn’t mind, she would give my name to her. Her friend is also a gardener and she thought we might have that in common. The following day, while I was working in the yard, her friend came over, carrying a plant gift for me. She lives on the next street over. It was apparent that she wasn’t from the south. She retired and moved here a few years ago from Massachusetts. I commented that I knew a few people there. It turns out that we know the same people in Newburyport! Amazing isn’t it?

And that’s not all. Yesterday I went to a networking group and as everyone went around the room introducing themselves, one woman just moved here yesterday. And guess where she is from originally? My hometown. So, after the meeting we talked. Turns out she remembers meeting me ONCE about 12 – 13 years ago. A friend of mine at the time was a close friend of a friend of hers. She particularly remembered my son and asked about him. She moved away from Chattanooga too, not long after I did and has been living in various places including Brazil. She said she has always wanted to live in Asheville and since she now teaches online courses, was able to finally do it. If you were impressed with me getting out and meeting people quickly, think of her. She’s out networking within 24 hours of moving. She obviously has this moving into a new town bit down to a routine.

So, I the hypothesis that everyone in the world can be reached through a short chain of social acquaintances (six degrees of separation) is true – at least for me. It also proves, once again, just how interconnected we all are at some deep level.

Since I’ve been in the yard working so much, many of my neighbors have been coming over and introducing themselves to me. The young couple who live two doors down brought me spinach from their organic garden. They are also incorporating permaculture and organic techniques in their landscape and garden. The older gentleman who lives on the next street over, but was mowing his empty lot that runs over onto my street is the total opposite. He smoked a cigarette as he filled me in on the history of community. He’s lived there for 30 years so he’s seen it all. The older couple her live on the street behind me drove by and stopped. They are considering selling their house and two empty lots behind me. Their children want them to come live closer to them where they can take after them better as their health begins the fail. We agreed that we should talk before the sell to anyone else – it might be a good idea for me to buy it to keep the developers out of my back door and give me rental property. They aren’t in a huge hurry and until I sell my NYC apt. I can’t do anything anyway. Other neighbors have just walked by and welcomed me. They all admire my house. They are pleased, as I am, that it was a well chosen design for the property.

I am feeling less overwhelmed as I let go of the need to see everything done immediately. I am becoming more satisfied in my empty space knowing that it actually best done this way. I realize now that if I had to deal with organizing furniture along with dealing with the landscape I would probably just pack it up and leave. As it is, I am getting things accomplished in increments.

The other exciting things in my life are that I have a contract on my apartment. The buyer has to be approved by the board, but I don’t anticipate any problems. So, I should have that wrapped up by the end of June. And the other is my new job. Or should I say my new way of earning my living. I left the printing company when I had an agreement to work with an advertising agency here to handle their website development for their clients. We have agreed on between 16 – 24 hours a week. The best part is they are paying closer to the earning power I had in NYC. They have already asked (I’ve been doing this for 3 weeks now) if I would be willing ot do more. I turned them down because I am committed to a new website for a long time client in NYC. I have developed a schedule where I have my mornings for my work and necessary appointments. I go into their office from 1:30 until 5:30 in the afternoon. I am able to easily handle what they’ve needed so far, so now I don’t go home feeling like I’ve been put throw the wringer. Instead of wishing for Friday everyday, I’m surprised that it’s the end of the week. It seems so long since I’ve had a work schedule and income I really can embrace that part of me is afraid that something is wrong. Why is it when something goes right I have this response. That’s where I think my tiny bit of knowledge about Buddhism helps. It reminds me not to become so attached to the outcome whether life difficult or great. A certain amount of non-attachment and equilibrium is needed to be truly happy. I’m working on it.

I think that’s all for this morning. I started my Sunday delivery of the NYT this morning and I’m anxious to check it out. The Bean Street guitarist is strumming and my Southern Breakfast of eggs and biscuits are being served. Hope all is well with you and I especially hope I hear from you soon.

Dirty Business

I’m finally back at my favorite public writing spot – The Bean Street Café. When I left you last, I was on my way to buy garden tools and plants. What I actually did was contact Chuck Marsh (http://www.findarticles.com/p/articles/mi_m0KWZ/is_3_3/ai_87703770) at Earthaven, an ecovillage and permaculture institute in Black Mountain, about 30 minutes from Asheville. We made an appointment for him to come look at my yard but he instinctively knew that I was anxious to get my hands in the soil. I described a small area in front of the house that was really bothering me. The glaring red clay just looked so raw. He gave me a shopping list and instructions on how to improve the soil. So I headed to Reems Creek nursery and bought a couple of tools, bags of organic mushroom soil, rock phosphate and an abundance of lettuces, cabbages and other plants to put out. After hours of trying to break up the brick clay and mixing in organic material, it started getting dark and I was getting tired. I hurriedly put in my plants, told them how beautiful they looked, watered them and went to bed. I didn’t sleep well that night because I knew that I had not worked the soil enough (there were still huge clumps, some as big as a small fist) and too quickly put in the plants. When I checked on them the next morning, even before I had my first cup of coffee, they had not keeled over, as I was afraid would be the case.

Since then, Asheville has suffered through a “Blackberry” winter. I think that’s the same thing as a “Dogwood” winter. In other words (for my friends unversed in the southern language), it’s a period of cold weather after the dogwoods, or blackberries, have started blooming. We had a couple of days that hit freezing at night, along with some heavy winds and rain. All the local advise was to bring in the plants you could, and cover the ones you can’t. I found some plastic left behind by the builders and spent the next few days trying to keep them warm and protected. Now, the weather has warmed up and they seem to be happy, especially now that I have added a little liquid plant food. Obviously, the red clay is as nutritious to them as potato chips are to me. On Chuck’s advice, I praise them each day and tell them what beautiful salads they will make. I believe that makes them happy because they will be living a purposeful and meaningful life. In the meantime, they have softened the landscape a bit.

A few days later, Chuck came out and gave me a list of things I need to do to “stabilize my yard. He gave me a list of materials and tools that I will need. He also gave me the name of a young woman with a pick up truck who is starting out in her own consulting/landscaping business to help me with the labor. He can only do the planning and consulting part of it with me. The idea is to landscape without using any chemicals and to plant useful plants – edible and medicinal. Initially, I am planting grass that theoretically doesn’t require mowing, in my “top 40” – the part closest to the road. I had a truck load of double ground hardwood mulch delivered to my house that will go in the “bottom 40” – the area nearest the house - and to the sides. In the back I will just cover the ground with straw for the time being. I plan on putting in raised garden beds eventually. I have a lot of weeds to chop down from the fence between my property and the neighbors. Eventually, I will create a vertical garden – vines that will make use of the support. I also have a lot of prep work to do the yard. The bulldozers have pushed dirt up against the trees and that has to be dug out before it kills them. As you can see, I have my work cut out for me. But, I am improving my physical health each time I swing my machete at a weed and helping my mental health as I marry my plants and seeds to the earth.

Does this all sound good and wonderful? It is – for the most part. It’s also sometimes feels overwhelming (my issues of wanting it all done and now) and a little lonely (the young woman is as much moral support as for physical help). But I have developed technique for that. I imagine myself back in New York imagining myself where I am now. I got what I ask for. This was my intention. I was getting lonely in NYC after so many of my friends had moved. I felt trapped, unable to get closer to Mother Nature. I remember what was and appreciate what is. I am grateful and must learn patience in my quest of transformation - for my land and myself.